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Dr. Clark's Marriage in a Box

My Chiropractor, Dr. Michelle Clark was such a big help to me that when she asked my help with her web site naturally I accepted.  Last night we met at a coffee shop with free Internet access and when I asked what was new and Dr. Clark told me she had gotten married on Christmas Day!

She also told me the story of her marriage in a box. Since this was a second time for both Dr. C and her new man and she told me she did not need a white dress and a big ceremony again. After debating with her family and his family about the best location she finally went out and got a marriage license a few days before Christmas. She put it, a white veil, rings, vows, and a Bible in a big box for her family's traditional white elephant gift exchange. (For those unfamiliar with this American and Canadian Christmas game each person contributes one gift to the game, and ultimately each guest receives one different gift from the game).

Her sister got the marriage-in-a-box and so officiated. At first the family treated it as a big joke, laughing, and making a farce of some of the traditional rituals, but at the end Dr. Clark had the last  laugh and surprised everyone by signing the license and sealing the deal. My hearty congratulations to the Bride and Groom on an original way to tie the knot. 

My World Class Date

As you read these words gentle readers I am procrastinating in an office in mid town Manhattan waiting for my world class date to begin. Although New York City has many women deserving of a world class date I am importing mine in from Colorado.

My Personality

Based on the questions I answered for the OK Cupid social network compared with most guys I am more extroverted, compassionate, and organized than most men but less methodical. I am also rated more aggressive and more arrogant than other guys. If you know me, do you think this is a accurate description of my personality?

What Do I Enjoy About Being Single?

Strange to say, even though I liked being married, I like being single as well. Like tennis, singles and doubles are played very differently, being single and being married each has its advantages if you play the game well.

When you first get divorced you are stung by your exclusion from the comfortable world of coupledom. The friends you had as a couple no longer call you up to invite you dinner or to join in any events, such as going to the movies, as 2 or even 1 ½ families. My physiologist explained that most couples have issues and that at some conscious or unconscious level fear “catching” your divorce. Over time the sting goes away as you begin to wonder why you wanted to spend time with them in the first place – socializing as a single person is much more fun than socializing as a couple.

As a single guy in our society you are given a lot more leeway than a married man. You are expected to have a good time. The world of women regard you as abandoned property. They don’t really expect or demand a lot from you. Women, if they think about you at all, puzzle over why you were abandoned in the first place and ponder if they can live with sagging porch or fix a leaking roof.

Since being married gives you insight into how to treat women beyond what any but the most metrosexual of men posses have you can be pretty competitive in the dating marketplace. Places you formerly would have been afraid to be seen in for fear of the wife hearing you are now welcome.

With your single friends you are part of a brave little band of guys where you cooperate together as “lead” or “wingman” in the evolutionary struggles that taking place in and around local watering holes. Your married male friends live vicariously through you. Strange women call you in the middle of the night. You have to be a very sad fellow indeed not to have fun being single.

At some point (and I am very far from that point) men seem to tie of having fun and embrace the stability, predictability, and comfort of marriage. God bless them because that might be me someday!

Wingman

Those who know me realize I am not often at a loss for words or shy when it comes to making contact with the fairer sex. But last night we went out with a man who makes me look tongue tied. Lane is so good at knowing exactly the right thing to say at the right time I sit at his feet. To learn more I took a step back and worked as his wingman for the night and I might have found a better role for me in the evolutionary struggles that take place late at night in the bars of LoDo. First I introduced him to a woman I had met only 30 seconds before. Somehow a formal introduction made him more of an entity. When Lane told our new friend Amy about growing up on a dairy farm, she was skeptical and said "I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me he grew up on a dairy farm". So I handed her a dollar which really amused her. It turned out Amy works for an investment firm. Lane left with Amy and her friends, Amy left with my dollar, and I left with a potential new investor so we all came out ahead.

Love is Blind

Any one who questions if love is blind should examine the Flickr photo stream for "hot" and "girlfriend". Apparently there are strong evolutionary reasons for beauty to be in the eye of the beholder as the BBC reported. Two researchers, Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki found that romantic love "lead to suppression of activity in the neural machineries associated with the critical social assessment of other people and with negative emotions." (The original paper is titled The neural correlates of maternal and romantic love.) To approach the question from a literary as opposed to a empirical perspective one need look no further than Balzac who said:

When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.

Perhaps Bartels and Zeki should look at the other side of the coin and examine what happens in the brain when you fall out of love.

First Friday Art Tour

On the first Friday of every month galleries in the Golden Triangle Arts District stay open until 9:00. Until last night I was unaware of this scheduling anomaly, or any of the galleries, or even how much the Golden Triangle has changed recently. What was once a somewhat sketchy and forgotten part of the city has developed into sort of Back Bay without shopping or Greenwich Village without squares.

Usually there is bus that runs between dozens of galleries, shops, and studios that open for the night. Unfortunately a group of performance artists high-jacked the bus last month, got drunk, and insulted people so it was canceled. This was unfortunate is because here is an art form I could really make a meaningful contribution to - drunken moving performance art.

The William Havu Gallery was having an opening of Tracy Felix stylized Colorado mountain landscapes. I especially liked the paintings of the mountians I had climbed.

After the galleries closed, I took my art to the Mercury Cafe and drank and danced with big dogs of the local Tango scene. The musicians where fantastic, and despite easily being the least graceful and accomplished couple on the dance floor I had a great time. Determined not to allow a bunch of petty philistine bureaucrats take away my stage and spoil my art, and perhaps thirsty from so much dancing, I drank more than usual and woke up nursing my first hangover in years.

Already I am looking forward to next first Friday.

Romance in the Age of the Internet

Recently discovered an odd courtship ritual in the United Kingdom. Apparently in some circles, when you breakup with your lover it is customary to sell saucy pictures of your ex-lover on eBay for a nominal price. This seems to happen in the U.K. and some commonwealth countries but not in the United States. In the age of the internet romances begin on match.com and end on ebay.

Wedding in Vegas

It was my honor today to attend a wedding in Las Vegas, Nevada as a guest of the Maid of Honor. On the right is a picture of us dancing (which you can click on to see in greater detail). I'm very glad she didn't step into the wedding cake.

Since Las Vegas has no waiting period for getting married it has become the wedding capital of the world. Among the famous couples married there are:

• Newman and Joanne Woodward
• Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra
• Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow
• Mark Consuelos and Kelly Ripa
• Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford
• Michael Jordan and Juanita Vanoy
• Zsa Zsa Gabor and George Sanders
• Fernando Lamas and Kathleen Smith
• Dudley Moore and Brogan Lane
• Bob Geldof and Paula Yates
• Robert Goulet and Vera Novak.
• David Cassidy and Kay Lenz
• Leslie Ann Warren and Jon Peters
• Jane Fonda and Roger Vadim
• Coolio and Josefa Salinas

And of course the most famous couple of all:

• Elvis Presley and Priscilla Beaulieu

In 2003 there were 119,221 marriage licenses issued in Clark Country alone and on Valentine's Day the License Bureau is open 24 hours a day to accommodate the crowds.

Although in Las Vegas spur-of-the-moment weddings are a common occurrence this wedding was elaborately conceived, meticulously planned and well executed. The bride wore a traditional white wedding dress with a long sweeping train. I lost count of the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. The weather was unseasonably cool for Las Vegas and rain even threatened the ceremony. Threatening black clouds began to gather in the late afternoon (the wedding was precisely planned to start at 5:00 on 05-05-05). Just in the nick of time the clouds parted and the sun shown on the bride as she walked down the isle. No wonder people travel to the desert to get married.

Even though tradition, convenience, and sunny weather all make Las Vegas a fitting place to wed, the location is most appropriate because marriage in our modern culture is such a big gamble.

What A Great Girlfriend I Have

On Saturday my girlfriend and I went away for the weekend. To make things more interesting, I planned to keep our outing as a surprise by not revealing our eventual destination. When I called the night before she was packing.

Hoping to get some sense of what her expectations for the weekend were, I asked what she had packed so far. Golf clubs, scuba gear, a cocktail dress would paint a different picture of what she anticipated on our the trip.

"Underwear," she said in answer to my question. "The only thing I have packed so far is underwear".

What a great girlfriend I have.